big girls don't cry

I can remember that day in 2013, clearly. I had personally laid off 10 people that day and had coordinated the layoffs and transition support of 29 others. A day on which the lives of 39 humans were forever changed.

That whole day I was laser-focused on giving my time, energy, compassion, empathy, and kindness to the impacted employees and to my team members.

It was 7:00 p.m. I was in my office with the door closed. I finally let the weight, stress, emotion, and pent-up tears of the day wash over me.

Believing I was alone, I was startled when my office door quietly opened. My boss poked their head in, looked me dead in the eye, said “big girls don’t cry”, and promptly left.

I was shocked. I was stunned. I was dumbfounded.

I couldn’t believe that in this vulnerable, private moment, instead of offering their time or support, my boss was quoting a Fergie song 🎵

And it was in that moment that I finally realized how toxic my relationship with my boss had become.

There was no space. There was no grace. There was no humanity.

There was no way to build back trust or respect. There was no way to repair the relationship. And there was no support from the higher-ups.

That day was a defining moment in my work life. It was a moment filled with anger, disbelief, and grief. It was also a moment filled with clarity, knowing, and relief.

Because my path forward was clear. So, I left.

That experience changed me. It strengthened me. It motivated me to use my voice and to use it for good. It inspired me to create meaningful change in workplaces.

It led me to the work that I do now - conducting workplace investigations fairly, thoroughly, thoughtfully, sensitively, and empathetically.

What has been a defining moment in your career and where did it lead you?

 January 23, 2023

Saira Gangji is an independent licensed Workplace Investigator at hrology in Calgary, AB. She investigates allegations of discrimination and human rights, harassment, violence, and misconduct in the workplace. For more information about hrology and our process, see the work with me page.